Casual [Wednesday] presents: Priorities, priorities

It can happen to any sports fan. Your team is playing in a very important game and you have something else scheduled for that day. Usually it involves your wife’s friend getting married or having this thing known as a “couples shower.”* Or worse, your third cousin’s son’s first birthday party.*

* I’ve never been but I hear they exist and are as excruciating as they sound.

The two main methods of coping are: 1) go to the event, record it and try like hell to avoid finding the score before you get home; or 2) lay your man card down and simply refuse to go. After all, you were smart enough to plan your event during the summer when nothing important happens. Why couldn’t they do the same?

Option 1 is probably the most pragmatic, but dodging score updates from other attendees is a bit like dodging landmines in the DMZ. Eventually, you’re going to step on one.

Option 2 earns you incredible amounts of respect from your friends, but quite possibly will lead to you being divorced/dumped/single again.

So, really, there’s no downside to Option 2.

But sometimes, these entanglements are work-related. Consider the case of Texas attorney Darrell Cook. He had a court hearing scheduled for today (October 27). But how was he to know that, after 38 years of futile existence, his beloved Texas Rangers would be starting the World Series that day in San Francisco and he’d have tickets?

Rather than just stip to a continuance, the city attorney wanted him to file a motion for it, so Cook did (with footnotes!), detailing the Rangers somewhat improbable ride to this point, and we all win because of it. A sample:

5. Everything between Darrell and the Rangers was business as usual this year:

a. Josh Hamilton was discovered drunk and covered in whip[sic]  cream;

b. Ron Washington was discovered to have ingested a “controlled substance” during the 2009 All-Star Break;2

c. The top two starters for the Rangers at the beginning of the season, Rich Harden and Scott Feldman, looked like they were completely unfamiliar with the tasks assigned to them and made a mockery of their roles as leaders of the pitching staff; and

d. The team declared bankruptcy and was sold via auction more befitting a used Buick than a major league baseball team.

Did I mention footnotes? Yeah, the footnotes are even better:

2 Ron Washington apparently convinced everyone that his usage of a “controlled substance” at an advanced age was his first go-arond with the highly addicting substance. Darrell finds this very dubious, but that’s how baseball go.

7 It should be pointed out that ARod a/k/a AFraud [Ed Note: former Texas Ranger] took a called third strike to end the series and secure the Pennant for the Rangers. It has no significance to this motion other than the fact that Darrell likes to point it out as much as possible.

And this excuse as to why his associate can’t attend in his stead because she’s having contractors do work at her house:

8 It should be noted here that Ms. Bryan made Darrell aware of this commitment quite some time ago, but the playoff scenario now facing Darrell seemed so remote at the time… .

The entire motion can be read here. HT: Texas Lawyer

Elsewhere , the lawsuit of the day: Wow, this insanely-hot hot sauce is really insanely hot. They should warn you on the label.

Maybe my kid shouldn’t eat it. Oops, too late. Maybe they should have warned me on the label. HT: Legal News Blog

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