Dumb (Alleged) Criminal of the Month

Following coverage of the July 8 armored truck heist in Sterling Heights uncovered this nugget from The Detroit News.

Federal agents arrested the heist’s alleged mastermind 21 year-old David Simpson of Highland Park, a man I’m sure they were shocked to find out actually worked for the armored car company, but wasn’t working on the day of the robbery.

How did they find Simpson? He had reportedly shown an informant a cell phone photo he took of his bathtub full of money.1

During a raid on Simpson’s apartment, agents found jewelry, new Dodge Chargers in the parking lot, and a safe full of money.2

That’s when they interviewed “Keyser Soze” Simpson’s girlfriend:

The Dodge Charger was registered to Simpson’s girlfriend, Kiera Lovelady, who lives in the apartment. She told investigators the Charger “just appeared” in her parking lot one day and Simpson gave her the keys. She said she didn’t know about the safe or the money.

If the money is in a bathtub, I guess she hadn’t showered in a week.

Lovelady later admitted she lied to investigators and that she was with Simpson when he bought the Charger. She knew about the money too, according to court records.

That’s okay, Kiera. They didn’t believe you anyway.

1 A bathtub full of money?! That’s something dumb criminals do in movies.

2 Speaking of movies, haven’t these people ever seen one? Anyone who has ever seen Heat or any other heist movie knows you lay low. Especially when the first people investigators are going to look at are employees and/or others who know the routes and schedules of the armored car. These clowns allegedly bought new jewelry and cars in the two weeks since the heist. Not to mention the whole money in a bathtub thing. Amateurs.

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