Sorry, you still can’t order ‘Pistols at dawn!’

In a blow for those who yearn for the long-fabled methods of settling a score or snagging a wife, The Associated Press reports:

[T]he Michigan Senate approved a bill that would eliminate classifying dueling as a crime in the state.

Other bills would get rid of crime classifications for prizefighting and taking a woman against her will and forcing her to marry.

Lawmakers say those laws aren’t needed anymore. Newer laws continue to make it a crime to kidnap, kill or hurt someone.

Somewhere, two obsessive fans of Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton were mentally polishing up their pistols after reading the lead on this story — then giving a dejected sigh as they made their way to the end of it. Same goes for those who, for years, hoped the Snidely Whiplash School of Matrimony could open its doors again.